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February 2001 Jokes of the Week

Week 1

Mourning Error

Contributed by Cat Scratch

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

Week 2

Lady Golfer

Contributed by Colleen Collins

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Week 3

Typo Errors

Contributed by VO

This is really a funny one on typing errors...It has happened to many people and it could happen to anyone of us....Just want to share a few laughters with you...know that you might be too busy to laugh...here are some funny incidents for you to digest!!!

These can happen to anyone :

Typo 1

A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

Typo 2

A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."

Typo 3

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.

He thought for a moment and said "put 'you are getting older but you are getting better".

The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said ' Well... put "You are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.'

When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were agast at the message on the cake. It read : "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"

Morals

1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.

Have I made any typo error ?

Week 4

The Perfect Husband

Contributed by BV

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500.00."

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Porsche dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price... and since we need to trade-in the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $65,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!!  Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye...I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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