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December Jokes of the Week

Week 1

Correcting the Sentence

A English professor wrote the sentence "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to correct it.

The guys wrote "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The girls wrote "Woman! Without her, man is nothing!"

Week 2

Computer Billing

A guy got a credit card bill stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away..

Next month he got another, did the same thing. The next month they sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his credit card if he didn't send them $0.00.

He called them, talked to them, they said it was "a glitch" and told him they'd take care of it..

The following month he tried to charge something and couldn't. He called the credit card company who again said they'd take care of it..

The next day he got his bill for $0.00 stating that he was very delinquent..

The man figured the credit card company would take care of it, so he didn't worry. The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay or his account was going to collection..

He mailed the credit card company a check for $0.00, and the credit card company's computer processed it, noting that his account was now paid in full..

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. He explained and they said, "Well, your $0.00 check has caused our check processing software to fail. We now can't process ANY of our checks from that day electronically because that $0.00 check is causing the program to abort."

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

Week 3

Naugthy Professor

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began."They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

Week 4

"Politics Explained"
From: "John M Paterson

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism & Your Mom, she is the administrator of the money, so we will call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People & The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the & Future is in deep shit."

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